Introducing… Elliot and Winston!

My significantly smaller belly, new baby, and I rode to recovery. Logan went to tell our families, who had been at the hospital for 14 hrs at this point, that everything went well. In recovery, Elliot and I made our first attempt to breastfeed. The nurse helped me to try to get him to latch. I don’t think that he was on for particularly long. My mom and dad came back to recovery and they were so glad that I was alright and so pleased with Elliot. It was everything mom could do to not hold Elliot (since she had a cold). Elliot was put back in the warmer and the pediatric nurse checked over him again while my nurse checked on me. Logan’s parents visited next and they were so excited too.

I remember being so thirsty and they would only give me a few ice chips and then some sprite. I drank them quickly because I felt fine from a gastroenterologic stand point, but Logan kept encouraging me to slow down.

The nurse that evaluated me in triage the previous Tuesday and sent me home stopped by to congratulate me. That was nice.

After we had recovered a suitable amount we rode to our new room in “Mother Baby.” I rode by the windows of the waiting room while holding Elliot. I waved tiredly at my tired but excited family. The nurse had told me that my family would be allowed to come and see me in Mother Baby once I had been checked in. However, they came on in anyways. They were ready to hold Elliot! I told the nurse that there was nothing I could do to keep them back and she understood. My family for one was exhausted and needed to get back to middle Tennessee and the Dyers were exhausted as well.

I got checked in and was given more pain meds. I fell asleep for a bit and when I came to the nurse had given Elliot his first bath and Logan was holding him skin to skin to keep him warm. Logan was my hero for taking care of most of Elliot’s meconium diapers throughout our stay!

That night I had the most wonderful nurse named Kim and CNA whose name I cannot remember. They could not do enough for us. Kim helped me to walk again in the wee hours of the morning and the CNA happily swaddled Elliot for me as needed. I wanted my new baby to stay in the room with me as much as possible so that we could keep practicing breastfeeding (not to mention I was enamored). I remember one particular time before the epidural wore off Elliot started crying. His bassinet was on the other side of the room and I could not get to him. Logan was asleep on the sofa next to me and was not roused by his cries like I was. I called Logan’s name several times and eventually threw a packet of crackers at him to try to get his attention but it was in vain. I called the nurses and they brought me Elliot.

The next morning I was visited by another friend in anesthesia. He was making his rounds and asked how everything was going. So far so good. The epidural had worn off alright and so their team was signing off on me. He gave me his congratulations.

Then the nonstop stream of people began. Nurses, kitchen staff, someone to check Elliot’s hearing, lab techs, CNAs, cleaning staff, someone to perform Elliot’s newborn screen, etc. All this while Elliot and I were trying to figure out how to breastfeed, which was not going well.

A photographer came in at the mid morning. We tried to put Elliot in his UT outfit for his pictures but it was too small! He wore the hat for some but was otherwise in his diaper. Gam Gam gave him a very soft white blanket which provided an excellent backdrop for his photos. After the pictures the photographer tried to discuss photo packages with us but I could not concentrate for trying to breastfeed the crying baby. Logan sent her away and asked her to come back in a half hour.

Gam Gam and Aunt Linzy came by next. They were there to take care of me and the baby while Logan ran home for a bit. When they arrived I was eating lunch with Elliot inside my gown on my chest resting. The lactation consultant had suggested this to try to calm him down so that he might be able to latch on. I sent Gam Gam and Linzy to help Logan pick out pictures so I could focus on Elliot and lunch. They returned after picking out some photos and kept me company and Elliot in clean diapers until Logan returned.

The lactation consultant had shown me how to do the football hold with Elliot, which helped keep him off my tender belly. She also gave me a plastic nipple which was easier for him to latch onto and some glucose to try to calm him down so that he could better latch on. Still Elliot cried a lot when he was not sleeping and was having a lot of trouble latching on. I was becoming very frustrated which did not go well with my exhaustion.

Most of our visitors could see that we were so tired and would hold the baby briefly, give us their well wishes, and leave. I did have to turn away one visitor, our radiology program coordinator, because I was breastfeeding, which I felt bad about. However, there was one couple who would not take the hint and leave us be. They wanted to stay and chat and hold the baby in the late afternoon, by which point I was so incredibly frustrated with breastfeeding I could hardly stand it. I was as cold to these relatives as possible but they would not take the hint that I needed to be resting and practicing breastfeeding, not talking to them. It wasn’t their fault. They were just excited. Finally Logan sent them away.

It was at that point that I realized I no longer needed to keep it together and breathe for Elliot. I broke down and cried and cried. Why was breastfeeding so difficult for us? Why could I not seem to help this crying baby? Why did we not realize my baby was so large ahead of time? And why was I in labor for 33 hours only to have a C-section??? On and on my thoughts went and I sobbed uncontrollably with Logan consoling me. He turned away my next set of visitors, who were more than a little hurt. I tried to call them back hoping they would be understanding when they saw me in hysterics but they left anyways, which was fine by me. At that point Logan and I decided that we would not be accepting anymore visitors during our stay.

That night Elliot cried and cried again. I felt bad for our neighbors. I held Elliot yelling over Logan’s sleeping head but Logan was immune with exhaustion. I finally managed to wake him by pushing his bed. “How can you not hear him?” I cried. “He is making me crazy!” Logan woke and tiredly comforted us. We called the nurse and asked if their was anything we could do to help our baby. She suggested the “Supplemental Nursing System” which was a small catheter with formula that you tape over your nipple. I hated to give Elliot formula as I wanted to make sure that I was stimulated enough to breastfeed him, but desperate times called for desperate measures. I fed him with the SNS and he was much happier. We all got a little sleep.

The next morning the nurse told me that she had been by once to check on me and I was talking in my sleep. I told her about my pregnancy and that I was due any day. Weird…

My second day with Elliot was much better. We had only one visitor (Slappy, who had called ahead) and we spent the day resting and focusing on breastfeeding. I met another lactation consultant who was wonderfully encouraging, and with her and Logan’s help we got Elliot latched on and feeding. In fact I fed him nonstop for 3 hours that evening but still he was not satisfied. We tried the SNS again so that we could get a little sleep.

Still in the wee hours of the morning he cried and cried. The power went off at one point and the room became eerily quiet. Apparently a white noise generator had been on the whole time without me noticing. But when it came back on I could not help but notice it. I finally decided I needed a change of scenery so I left the room for the first time. While I walked the halls I made an important discovery. Other babies were crying too. I could not hear them before with the white noise. Maybe I was not the worst parent ever! We did send Elliot to the newborn nursery briefly in those wee hours. We decided we would be better parents if we got a little sleep.

The next morning we got ready to go home. I have never been so excited to leave anywhere. The hospital is a terrible place to rest. My doctor came by that morning. I thanked her for our lives. Modern medicine is an amazing thing. The pediatrician came by and told me that Elliot had lost too much weight and needed to see an out patient pediatrician the following day. Logan set that up.

When it was time to go, we dressed Elliot in a new UT shirt that Logan had brought from home. We then put him in his car seat, which he immediately did not like. I called the nurse for the car seat check but somehow the message got lost. So we waited and waited with Elliot screaming. I opened the door so the nurses could hear him yelling and hurry up. Finally I took him out of his car seat. We chatted with a friend of mine in family medicine while I waited on the nurse. He was impressed by Elliot’s size and said we were missing out on the newborn experience and starting with a 1 month old instead!

Finally the nurse came and apologized for our wait. Elliot’s car seat passed. They wanted me to ride through the lobby in a wheelchair with the baby in his car seat on my lap. This was a bad idea for two reasons. One, I didn’t want the seat on my barely healed C-section wound, and two, I didn’t want to ride through the lobby where any number of my coworkers might be passing with Elliot screaming. So the nurse let me hold him in a swaddle and put the car seat in a basket behind the chair.

We rode to freedom! Logan was waiting for us with the car. We fastened Elliot in and I rode beside him. He cried for a bit but then fell asleep with the car soothing him. My parents met us at our home to take care of us. They stayed with us for the next week.

Elliot still cried a lot those first few days at home. I remember in the middle of the night with him finally going to my parents room asking, “Does anyone want to hold a crying baby for a couple of hours while I try to get some sleep?” My dad confused started to sit up to help but my mom jumped out of the bed over him shouting, “I want him! I want him!” She rocked him in the den but I could not stay away. So I slept on the couch beside them while they rocked.

At the pediatrician’s office Elliot was down to 8lbs 9oz. The doctor wanted us to come back the next day. That night we continued the on demand feedings and tried the SNS again. The next day my milk finally came in! Elliot stopped losing weight and had gained an ounce at his check up. He was a whole new baby! We were so relieved! Maybe we could take care of this life we had created. Maybe we would for the first time in a week get some sleep. Maybe everything was going to be alright.

We got to triage and I was hooked up to the monitors. I was 4 cm and contracting frequently. I was to be admitted! We called our families and told them the good news. A friend of mine in the anesthesia residency came by to congratulate me and discuss epidurals. She said that if I wanted to have an attending perform the procedure then that would be fine, but I decided that if she was comfortable doing the procedure on a coworker then I was ok with letting her.

The nurse asked me to rate my pain. I said that was difficult since I often make fun of that stupid pain scale. I decided I was a 6 out of 10. The face was frowning some but not crying, which matched me more or less. The pain was rough, but I could think of worse (like having my arm cut off). Plus, 6 is my lucky number.

My family showed up after I was taken to my room. My mom (Gingy) was sick with a cold from one of her preschool students, so she wore a mask. She was beside herself with excitement! Everyone was ready to meet little Elliot! The Dyers arrived as well and Gam Gam and Aunt Linzy showed up also in masks, I guess for the fun of it.

Logan and I decided to get the epidural. My only concern was that it might slow down my labor again, but we were so tired that we decided a little rest would be beneficial before the main event. The anesthesia resident had us watch a video and then set up for the procedure. I sat on the side of the raised bed with my feet on Logan’s knees. We discussed the new Doritos Locos Tacos. The resident asked if we were in fact really discussing tacos during the procedure and I explained that it was good distraction. I also had an iPod with my favorite tunes which was also excellent distraction!

The procedure was a success except that it did not work instantaneously. They did a test half dose to make sure that my blood pressure would stay stable. It did and so I got the full dose. I even got a happy yellow button to press if I needed more medicine! At that point, Logan and I tried to get a few hours of sleep. I started to get itchy from the medicine so the nurse brought me some Benadryl, which helped immensely with the rest but not so much with the itching. Our room was beside the nurses station. I think they might have been having a party or something. One person even bounced one of the big rubber birthing balls! Fortunately, when we asked them to be quiet they did, and Logan and I got a few hours of much needed sleep. While I was trying to get to sleep the iPod played Logan’s and my current song, Peter Frampton’s “Baby I Love Your Way” which was nice.

Logan putting my socks on me, a service he had been providing for me for the past month.

I think I awoke again at 6AM. The nurse mentioned that my mom and mother-in-law had come by recently but were turned away since we were sleeping. I asked for them to come back but through some miscommunication my mom had gone to the hotel.

The doctor arrived at about 8AM. She told me I was about 7 cm and asked me if I would like my water broke. I said emphatically that I would. She broke it and there was a pause. I asked if the fluid was clear and she told me that there was “light meconium.” This meant that I would not be able to have my requested “skin-to-skin” initial contact where the baby would have been delivered and put immediately on my stomach. I was disappointed to have missed that bonding experience but I understood it was important for him to be suctioned right away once he was born.

I was glad at that point that I had gone into labor on my own. I could have been just starting the process that morning with my induction. Plus, it was nice to know that my pituitary gland could get the job done, even if it did take awhile.

So labor continued on. For much of the morning I had the entertainment of Logan, my mom, my mother-in-law, and my sister-in-law. When I got tired I tried to nap. I was allowed Popsicles and slushies if I was thirsty but no solid food until Elliot was born as there was always a chance that I might have to go to surgery. I remember at one point my epidural button stopped working. I could tell because I could no longer feel the cool medicine flowing through the tube attached to my back. It had run out of the extra medicine. I joked with the day anesthesia resident (also a colleague of mine) that I had been overly enthusiastic about the yellow button. He got me some more medicine and we continued contracting along.

I got to explain the monitors to my various visitors. The bottom section was my contractions measured by an external pressure sensor. The top was Elliot’s heart rate. If the doctor or nurses did not like the look of Elliot’s heart rate, they came in my room and repositioned me so that he could get better blood flow. They would also occasionally reposition me at my request since my epidural medicine would flow to the dependent side of my spinal canal and numb one side better than the other.

In the mid morning, Elliot’s heart rate became less variable, which is a cautionary sign though not an emergency. The nurse came in and gave me some oxygen through a mega non-rebreather mask. That surprised me since I thought I would only get a nasal cannula. They were serious about getting oxygen in me.

The doctor returned and checked my cervix again. 9 cm! Almost there! An hour later she returned. Still 9 cm… We asked which position his head was. It was occiput transverse, which means that he was facing my hip. Ideally, he should have been facing my back. Still meant that I could deliver vaginally, but once again, things were concerning.

Elliot’s heart rate became difficult to monitor externally, so they placed an internal monitor, which is a small corkscrewed wire that screws into the baby’s scalp. Sounds barbaric, but works and is better than getting a shot. I also was not getting full credit for my contractions so they placed an internal pressure monitor, which is just a tube that goes into the uterus beside the baby. My contractions were alright, but they decided to give me some of the pitocin that had already been made for me and my scheduled induction which was to be that day.

Upset about requiring extra monitoring, I sent everyone out of the room except Logan. I expressed my concern, doing my best not to cry for fear that Elliot would not get enough oxygen if I did. Logan comforted me and reassured me that everything would be alright. We watched my contraction and Elliot’s heart rate on the monitor for awhile and I noticed that he was having some dips in his heart rate. A nurse came in (they were watching my tracing outside) and I asked if I was having decelerations (dips in the baby’s heart rate with contractions). It has been awhile since my obstetrics rotation. She explained that I was and that Elliot did not seem to like the pitocin which they were using to augment my labor. They shut it off and his tracing improved.

The doctor checked my cervix again. Still 9cm and now starting to swell… We had been at 9cm for three hours now and things were not progressing. My doctor said, “It’s time to discuss C-section.” She went through the risks, including bleeding, infection, hysterectomy, and death. I asked if I had a choice and she told me that maybe if my cervix had not started swelling we could wait a little longer, but as things were we really need to start heading to surgery.

She left to prepare and I sat in shock while the nurse started adjusting my lines. I finally exclaimed, “I feel like my body has failed my baby.” once again doing my best not to cry and to breathe. Logan looked me in the eyes, patted my hand, and calmly said, “I know and you’ll have to try harder next time.” I laughed at his and my ridiculousness.

The nurse, my mother, and I spent the next several minutes trying to get my bra off of me and all of my lines, since I had not followed the instructions to remove all clothing earlier. Doctors make the worst patients.

My mom related a horrible birth story to me at that point. I gave her a Katherine the Great biography for her birthday at my Aunt Suzanne’s suggestion. Apparently, Katherine the Great’s niece went into labor but the baby was too big. Caesarean was not an option so the poor girl was in horrible labor pain for days and days until she and the baby died. Not exactly a birth story I wanted to hear at the moment but it made my mother so grateful that surgery was an option for me. I was glad for that too but still unhappy that after 33 hours of labor it had come to that.

I rode to the OR. My anesthesia resident co-worker was there. I was glad to have a friend in the OR in spite of the awkwardness. I stared at the operating room lights while they got me ready. I commented that it was surreal to be on the other side of the operation. The nurse was having some difficultly removing the heart rate monitor from Elliot’s head. I reminded her “Lefty loosey. Righty tighty.”

An OB resident introduced herself and explained that she would be helping with the procedure. I said that was fine but promptly turned to my anesthesia friend after she left and asked who she was and what year she was in her training. My friend told me not to worry and that she would not be doing very much.

They ramped up my epidural so that I would absolutely feel nothing. I started to shake from the meds. I did my best to keep it under control but I shook throughout the entire operation. Logan rejoined me, dressed like a painter who was extremely concerned about messing up his clothes. They draped me and the obstetrician asked, “Can you feel this?” I told her that I could not. My anesthesia resident friend said, “That’s good because she just pinched the fire out of you with a hemostat!” I didn’t really need to know that…

The surgery began. I remember the obstetrician asked me what I thought of my OB rotation. I said I liked it. Everyone seemed ridiculously busy but also ridiculously happy. Within minutes Elliot was out and crying! I was crying too. I was so happy that he was ok. It was the best noise in the world!

Logan stood by me looking torn. I told him to go bond with the baby. I had my anesthesia friend to keep me company.

Logan went over to the warming station where they were suctioning Elliot. Per his report, Elliot had his arms and legs stretched out as far as he could. He was glad to be out of me! He had a round partial cone on is head where he had been engaged in my cervix for hours. Then we heard the news. 9lbs. 12oz.! The obstetrician remarked, “You were never going to deliver that baby vaginally!” I agreed. It was a very good thing that we had gone to surgery.

Logan showed me some pictures on the camera while the pediatricians were still working with him. They did not do him justice. Finally, Logan brought me the real thing. He was beautiful! He was large for a baby, but still a tiny tiny person. We got our first family picture while they were sewing me up. I remember Logan started teaching him the elements of the periodic table. We got through neon together… The anesthesia resident thought we were colossal dorks.

Sewing a person up takes much longer than cutting into them. I remember asking if they were using my stretch marks to reapproximate my incision. They said they were. It reminded me of a patient on my surgical rotation whose body was covered in tiger stripe tattoos and how the surgeons went to extra effort to line those tattoos back up exactly.

Afterwards we headed to recovery. Logan went to tell our families the news. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when he told them that Elliot was 9lbs. 12oz.

To be concluded in “The Caesarean Saga, part 3: The Afterbirth”

If you at reading this, I guess I decided to make this post. I wanted to at least write it down to share with Elliot someday. Some of it is fairly personal, but some of it is quite amusing. So without further ado (ok, one more… ado) here is our birth story.

I was huge, as 10 month pregnant women tend to be. I did indeed feel like a beached whale. Rolling over in bed took a very concentrated effort. I had to pee every couple of hours. I finally started refusing to do procedures at work just because I couldn’t stand the extra weight of the lead. I was ready to deliver. Elliot seemed ready to be out too. I remember him frequently stretching out into my right ribs.

As I have said before, I was 39 weeks when we moved. Elliot gave me an episode of false labor hilariously on April Fool’s Day. I went in for my doctor’s appointment the next day and found out I was 2 cm. I asked them at what point was enough enough, i.e. when could we start considering induction. My doctor said that my cervix was favorable at this point for an induction and with our due date 5 days away (April 6th) if I wanted to go ahead and schedule an induction I could. I said I would have to think about it and talk with Logan, so she scheduled me for follow-up next week with a growth ultrasound. I called Logan and asked him when he wanted to have a baby. He said he would have to think as well.

The last picture of me before going into labor.

The next day I had more of what turned out to be false labor. I could feel a periodic tightening in my abdomen although it did not hurt every time. My contraction timer app said that I had met the requisite 5-1-1 contractions (i.e. contractions occurring every five minutes lasting one minute in duration and happening for 1 hour). I was starting to get pretty nervous so I decided to go up to the 3rd floor to L&D triage. Turns out, I was still 2 cm and the sensations I was feeling were “uterine irritability”. I did have 2 actual contractions while I was there, but they were about 20 minutes apart. I drove home, crying to my mother that they had turned me away and nothing could possibly be worth all of this. Mom assured me that my efforts would be worth it. I called the doctor’s office the next day and scheduled my induction for Easter Sunday (the 8th).

Easter basket Logan made for Elliot!

I awoke at 4AM on Saturday with hip pain and the need to urinate, which was typical. Then I awoke again at 5, 5:30, 6:30, and by 7 I figured out that I was finally having my painful contractions! I was so excited! I told Logan, started my contraction timer, and went downstairs to make pancakes (had to get my last few cravings in!) I remember accidentally setting off the smoke detector by pouring water on the hot skillet. I looked up at the alarm and shouted, “It’s steam!” but eventually hauled my pregnant self up on a chair to cancel the alarm.

The day was actually perfect for early labor. Logan and I did not have any plans so we spent the day going for walks, watching videos on the new projection screen (Friday the 13th, South Park, American Dad), and going on car rides. Things were progressing but slowly so I took a bath after lunch to relax. Unfortunately, my contraction rate decreased at this point.

Tom came over later that afternoon to wash his car and ended up staying to keep us company. I finally decided to call my parents around 6PM to put them on notice. They came up at that point and got a hotel room.

Logan and I went for a walk at dusk but did not make it any farther than the end of our driveway. Some of our new neighbors were out and wanted to get to know us. I wanted to meet them as well, even though it was not exactly the best time. Logan did most of the talking while I occasionally pulled out my iPod to push the button on my contraction timer. I hope I did it discretely enough so as not to appear rude.

We went back inside eventually and watched more Netflix. At about 10PM I had a contraction that just wouldn’t stop, although Logan kept telling me that it had only been a minute or so on the timer. Once it finished, I discovered that I had had a 4 minute long contraction. I was at about 7-1-1 at that point but I decided to call the phone nurse. Maybe my long contraction was enough to finally get me in the hospital. The nurse on the line asked me crazy stuff like “Can you see the baby’s head?” and then told me that I was still not ready to come to the hospital and that I actually needed to be at 5-1-2! 2 hours! God, I was never going to go to the hospital!

I hung up angrily and told my husband and brother the news. We then started flipping channels and The Matrix: Revolutions was on. We decided instead to put in our copy of the first Matrix, since it is the one worth watching. Logan fell asleep at that point and Tom and the movie provided distraction while I continued contracting.

After midnight when the movie ended, I was finally at 5-1-2. I called the phone nurse. She asked if I could hold and I said “Yes, if it is short.” Then she immediately asked if I was in labor. I said that I was and we went through the same insane list of questions. She then told me that I could come to the hospital and that the nurse I had spoken to earlier sends her congratulations. I thought that was nice.

I went downstairs and started coffee and then went back upstairs to wake Logan. “Wake up. I need you to drive me to the hospital. I made coffee.” I figure it didn’t get any more convenient than that.

We got on the road and officially put our families on notice. I stopped timing my contraction but continued to watch the clock as we traveled for fear that they would slow and I would get turned away again. We got to the parking garage and walked across the hospital to L&D triage, pausing frequently for contractions. We could have parked closer, but I wanted to walk and try to keep the contractions rolling.

To be continued in “The Caesarean Saga, part 2: The Section”…